Finding new things that suck

In some ways, we live in a world where race, gender, and all those things don't really matter.

I'm sitting at the Delirium in San Francisco's Mission district today. The game is on. I ate a hot dogs. Hot dogs are delicious. If you don't don't think so, you are kinda like that guy who ends up bringing assault rifles into work and snapping (after you eat a jar of sweet pickle relish) and killing everyone. I'll save that for another time.

I order a Snakebite.

A snakebite is a combination of lager and cider. The bartender tells me how everyone seems to be ordering them lately. I tell him that it must be because they are refreshing and it is warm outside... he then tells me that some people correct him and say that a snakebite consists of Guinness and cider (which is actually called a Black Velvet).. I smile, give him a tip, and ultimately order more snakebites as I watch basketball on the tube.

I actually WANTED a Guinness and cider (black velvet).. but am not about to say anything because, as usual, my inner child disagreed with me and thought that Stella mixed with cider was better. It was.

Anyhow...

I like layered beer combinations.. Black & Tan. Black and Tan is a drink made from a blend of pale ale and a dark beer such as a stout or porter. Sometimes a pale lager is used instead of ale; this is usually called a half and half. When I order a Black & Tan or a Half & Half at a bar... I drink whatever is given to me. The last thing I want to do is get into a fight about whether Bass, Harp or something else will coexist with the Guinness that is poured on top of my beer combination.

So while Guinness is usually the "Black" part of any fun beer combination.. the other part is always fun to play with.

Guinness + Blue Moon is often called an Eclipse or a Black & Blue.
Guinness + Stella is supposed to be called something but I just call it a compromise when Bass or Harp doesn't exist. Order a Black & WhateverTanYouHave and you'll get your point across.
Guinness + "Whatever wheat beer you have" probably doesn't have a name but is my usual at most of the bars I go to. You can order it as a Black & Hef and the bartender will understand.

Guinness + Hoegaarden is a great combination.

I walked into a new bar in Oakland next to Flora (which is a great place to eat) with some friends. I ordered a combination of Guinness + Hoegaarden. Wait a second.. Black and Hoegaarden.. Black and Hoe... *OH SNAP*.. BLACK HO. HOLY SHIT. I not only asked for a prostitute (HO)... but I specifically asked for a BLACK prostitute... AND AT THE SAME TIME.. I AM IN OAKLAND!! Anyhow, I was told that the beer combination I asked for is actually called a Dirty Ho..

So here's why I think we are at least making SOME progress as far as race, gender, equality, etc.. I told the Dirty Ho/Black Ho story in public without having to replace the word black with African American for fear of offending the 2 black guys sitting next to me.

... Afterwards, I'm taking the Mission bus to downtown. 2 people in wheelchairs are yelling at each other to make room, random skate punks hop in the back without paying fare, a marker is being passed back and forth so that graffiti can be updated. As the kids in the back of the bus are screaming the N word at each other and pissing everyone off, the 40+ year old black man sitting in front of me is really upset. Everyone is upset as the kids tag the bus and start destroying public property. The bus ride is slow, annoying, and offensive.

... but even though he was as pissed off as he was, he made us all smile and laugh when he said that he was just as much of an asshole when he was a kid as the idiots in the back.

So we all bonded. Black, White, Yellow, Green, Male, Female, blah blah blah...

We are better off today because the moron/waste of sperm/dipshit next to you isn't a BLACK idiot.. a WHITE idiot.. a YELLOW idiot.. he's just a fucking idiot.

You can all suck my dick.