Progress.

So I'm walking in San Francisco...

I eventually end up at Harvey's.. in the Castro.. because I'm all progressive as shit and wanna do that cuz I'm cool and shit.

So there are a bunch of fucktards sitting in front of the place and "protesting" about the whole sit/stand whatever sidewalk rule. Everyone can protest and question authority however they want to. But.. they are standing against some new law that tells people that they can't stand/sit/etc on the sidewalks....

Fuck all.

Lawyers magically rule the world.

The way I see it...

If you sit in front of my house and make me happy.. cool.
If you sit in front of my house and make me unhappy.. not cooll.... and I really can't do anything about it...

If there is a new stupid law...

If you sit in front of my house and make me happy.. cool.
If you sit in front of my house and make me unhappy.. not cooll.... and maybe you'll stop being a fucktard just because you can... and even though I really can't do anything about it, one of these days, I'll have some lawyer me up when I saw "I accidentally pissed on some idiot who decided to shit on himself while passed out in front of my house after breaking his base pipe".

I am pretty sure I can take a shit in the middle of traffic and someone will jump in line screaming "THAT MORON HAS A RIGHT TO DO THAT..."... do you really want to live in that world? Do you want to continue living like that?

Yeah... you do...

Because the next time you are high on crack and trip on a paper bag 3 blocks away.. you will find some way to sue some random entity. And some lawyer will take your case.. and my taxes will go up...

And at the end of the day.. UC Berkeley decides to put out an ad in the magazine they shit to EVERYONE they know...

.. telling the world that they their "ENDOWMENT SEATING PROGRAM" GAURANTEES your seat location 2011 and beyond. Some things are weird or even wierd.. but if you want to be a world class university, you should stop smoking stupidity and learn how to spell.

[Kudos to everyone who finds the typos that UC Berkeley decided to publish]
[SuckADicks to everyone who finds and corrects me on any typos in my post]
[If you fail on both of those... you should probably try again drunk.. or

NEXT RANDOM?!

Wow.

Could this be the next random post I make?

After 12 years of not talking to someone, do you really consider them a friend?

Do you really want THEM to consider YOU a friend?

When we are young, lots of people make us who we are. I still talk to some people I knew when I was a kid.. but at the end of the day, I really only give a shit about a few people I knew when I was 14 years old.

I've known a friend of mine since I was 14 years old.. when he stopped talking to me, I actually gave a shit because I cared. His opinion of me mattered. Looking at the world now, let's think about something...

How can we sum this up quickly?

When it is ok to actually ignore someone you either had sex with or were good friends with.. in public.. with the realization that your lives do not intersect and the catching up required to be friends again really isn't worth it.

Suck a dick. Fuck off. Lick my gigantic balls.

I love my sister!

We all life in different worlds.

My sister (who I love dearly, even though she thinks I'm a jackass) is in Korea right now proving to herself that her college education and sense of adventure and all that shit.. gives her some reason for living. I think it is cute.

So I get the best of both worlds. I get handed the trump card of going to college for free while being raised by math professors... and decide to take advantage of the fact that there are no laws against hax0r shit instead of getting an education. It all worked out well but while I am learning how to use computers.. she is figuring out which one of the instruments she DOESN'T want to master. While I end up wasting whatever was handed to me, she ends up IGNORING what was handed to her.

I remember her showing up to my house.. by house I mean my ghetto apartment in downtown San Jose. My neighbor Greg... (ohhh so many stories about that).. was sitting in his boxers on my couch trying to take my sister into his apartment (next door). She says "so you're my SUCCESSFUL older brother?".

She had a point. Maybe we disagree on the point though.

Her point might have been the following....

"My older brother is living in Silicon Valley and has done lots of really cool things and is respected in the industry.. blah blah blah".."

My point was...

"Oh shit. I should probably smash something over the head of my neighbor... but I'm too drunk to too that right now.. and I'll just pay the crack dealer next door to do it for me tomorrow.. whatever"...

So at the end of the day...

We're all bitter. The world sucks... but when I walk into work in the morning, I show everyone my happy side. But when I talk to my boss, my friends, my wife, and everyone I can vent to...

[VENT ON .. English Majors have fun adjusting my grammer wile I say stuff and stuff]

I let them all know that even though I'd probably hurt myself playing with the anarchist cookbook recipes, I want to let the world know that they can all go fuck themselves, blowing shit up is cool, and I would LOVE it if someone would walk by my with either a "I LOVE CHRIS DALY" or "PALLIN FOR PRESIDENT" sign stuff and if thing what.

Smile.

Fuck you all. Fuck the world. And made love for San Francisco. I know this city is great. If it weren't, my boy JacobZ wouldn't pretend to live here!

One of my favorite restaurants is (http://www.lolosf.com).

If you are anywhere NEAR there, show up.. because it took a lot of effort to make it as awesome as it is right now.

.. So as I'm walking down 24th Street at 2pm on a really sunny day... in the middle of the week. The birds are chirping, the pot is burning, the meat markets are selling...

16th and Mission / Valencia is the hip place to go to. Place.. area.. whatever. Take 10 people.. tell them to meet you in the mission at 8pm. Out of 10, 9 of them will meet you within a block of 16th Street and Valencia... the other one will meet you about a block away. If any of the 10 people involved happen to be gay, they might think that you mean Dolores Park... where the gays can smile for being the most educated, physically fit, paid, [whatever it is .. the gay equivalent of you does it better] ...

.. So I'm not a small guy.. and I'm the kind of guy who looks out of place.. and I'm not the kind of person you would want to mess with...

The 2 BART stops are 16th and 24th. ANY restaurant, bar, club, etc that is within range of 16th street has historically been full. You can't just want into a place there on a whim and expect to be seated. The turnover in that area is extreme and I am pretty sure that you could take a shit on a piece of wonderbread make a few bucks before EVERYONE kicked you to the curb. That area is magic.

.. I really like walking down the street and enjoying life. Sometimes people who don't appreciate life want to walk up to me and ask me for cigarettes. Smokes cost a lot of money now and while I would give a smoke to some people, I don't just give them to a random crackhead on the street.

Noe Valley (with their stollers and family friendly world view that happens to exist there) wants the 16th Street area (especially Dolores Park) to be part of Noe Valley. I think it is cool that the 24th street area (with their strategic killing of gang members, awesome target shooting by 15 year olds, self expression by taggers who really don't know WHAT they are pissed off at.. only that they are).. is giving us places to go on the OTHER side of 24th street. Pi Bar and Heart, fill up the area that exists before people hit up the Dovre Club.

.. a hand comes towards me and lands on my shoulder. I'm not really sure what is going on but someone thinks I am threatening them while both their hands are trying to choke me and (after I push them off), a knife is in their hands.

I like how the area is filling in but am extremely sad about the Palace Family Steakhouse closing up. I am pretty sure that some really hip and cool place will end up there but along the way, someone forgot that the reason people wanted to move here in the first place was the awesomeness that the locals made happen. People love SF because idiots from Arizona show up and the people from Mexico who have ALWAYS lived here are smart enough to offer them an authentic "CHEETOES, FRITOS, PORK AND CAVIAR BURRITO" for 80 bucks and everyone wins.

.. he loses, I win.

San Francisco exists because of all the people who made the area BEFORE the dot com boom. Be smart enough to realize that. If you live in the Mission, any "progress" should involve the people who lived in the area before you did. If you live in Nob Hill, you should shut the fuck up. If you are a politician here, have fun. How the fuck can you go to bed at night?

Enjoy your fucking social experiment.

San Francisco is a magical town.

Let me ramble on as I readjust my post. Why? Because I'm too drunk to tell EVERYONE why they fucking suck while being able to speak in complete sentences.

A romantic walk down the block allows you and your date to experience a whole bunch of things really quickly. It also works out well when you bring your parents into town.

SCENARIO / SETUP:

My wife and one of our friends were going to get a haircut and do the girlie thing tonight. When girls get haircuts, they need to show them off... (and if you're a guy who disagrees, you either don't get laid or wear mink coats after Al Davis decided to give you 55 million dollars -- i.e. you don't need a personality or any life skills because your pinky could kick my ass).

FUCK YOUR OPINION:

Living in SF is expensive. Blah blah.. it is a given. If you are a yuppie dot-com transplant person living here, then it is understood that you have exactly ZERO influence into what made SF awesome... but would love to bitch about it. You would love to walk down the street and see "The Mission" become "El Mission" to respect the community that was built for you to invade even though you only know Spanish via college courses and practice on the American-born guy named Paul who you want to practice ordering tacos from...

SF is a fucked up social experiment.

I live in the Mission. I'm white. I'm not an idiot and I'm also not completely oblivious to the fact anyone living in my area a few decades ago was probably beaten up with a baseball bat because of their skin color. I'm also aware that the world around me is stupid.

I respect my hood. And I've got a lot to prove.

I TRY to clean up the street in front of the house (even though I completely fail since all of my neighbors do a WAAAAY better job).
I welcome all new businesses into the neighborhood and show them off to all my friends who are really really really progressive and hip but have never talked to a minority before.
I try to respect where I live..

Because I'm an asshole by choice.

SF DISCONNECT:

Being young, I won't comment on the people who own mansions in Nob Hill..

But... being able to type, I can comment on today's world. Hanging out with a friend of mine the other day, I realized there is a huge disconnect between the computer geek kids of today and the rest of the world. "If they think they can pay me under 100k, they can suck a dick" is one side. "I make 8.75 an hour and would kill for your job" is another.

So I'm pretty new at this.

First off... my asshole tastes like the pomegranate soap that I use in the shower. I know this because everyone must be kissing my ass.

I walk into the office on Wendsday. I spelled that wrong because I wanted to.

Nothing unusual. Normal crap. But all my boys/goons/people-who-dont-suck aren't around. I sit down in the recliner I put into my office (you know, the productivity enhancement unit with exposed bonding enablers).. cubicle. I open up my web-based email client and see the following message:

"So long and thank you for all the fish"

I try to click on the message... because it is a message.

I try to click on the message... because it is a message from my coworker.

I try to click on the message... because the other half of TEAM AWESOME sent it...

I try to click on the message...

MOTHER OF FUCKING GOD.

I'm trying to open up an email from the person who is holding up all my projects.. whose projects I am holding up as well.. the OTHER person I work with who is stupid enough to do his job. And while I am under the impression that he just quit, I get called into the office and realize that...

Everyone was laid off except for me.

Awesome. Job security. Now I get to do the work of everyone... including the people who worked on things I didn't care about (ok, start caring), understand (umm.. ok, start understanding), didn't spend months mastering (kewl, master them real fast.. yeah...)..

Let me repeat.

EXCEPT FOR ME.

So while it is really fun to wake up in the morning and catch the train in, it really isn't that much fun to wake up in the morning, catch the train in, work a full day.. go home.. get called up in the middle of the night.. work until 7am... sleep for 3 hours.. work again.

Vomit = bad. Vomit+Blood = worse. My [life/job/world] = SUCK MY BALLS.

But the good thing is.. the pieces of sashimi at Sushi Bistro are awesome. When a new place opens up they want to bring people in. So while 24th street (bryant... not noe) is full of morons who madly hip (i watch shit ironically), Sushi Bistro keeps updating their menu and showing off their fish as if they were in nob hill. uni, blue fin, etc..

Welcome to the Bay Area.

Show up here, tell us what to do, and leave. In the meantime, smoke crack, don't work, and piss all over us. We'll take it because in California... we're idiots.. but in San Francisco, we're progressive.

Suck a dick... in the most politically correct way I can tell you to fuck yourself.

Even though I really don't like people, I want to treat them well.

I've been a regular customer at Hana Zen in San Francisco. My wife and I have been going there for as long as we can remember. I guess that when I say "as long as we can remember" you probably think about going to the Olive Garden down the street while you are living your pathetic lives. What I really mean is that we were junkies and Hana Zen was our crack. We went there 3 times in ONE FUCKING night. First for an after-spending-money-on-stupid-shit-downtown pre-dinner trip.. then actually having dinner there once we met up with friends.. and then for the oh-shit-we-are-drunk-and-next-door-so-lets-stop-by-anyway sake/sushi session. So while you were tipping 10 dollars on your extra order of whatever fucked up pasta dish your local Italian restaurant decided to invent, we were financing the operations of our favorite restaurant with 30% tips on awesome food, service, etc..

I like to be comfortable everywhere I go. Especially restaurants. When I am outside having a cigarette, I will divert all street traffic where I want it to go. When I walk into the restroom of a place I respect, I fix their fucking toilets (ooooh so many times I regret doing that). So it would make sense that..

.. we always make sure that we aren't the last customers left. To a fault. I would always look around the room and if there was any sign of closing (i.e. chairs being stacked, you know what I mean), we're going to run out of there. There were many times when we would finish up our evenings early because we saw that the restaurant was closing and we didn't want to inconvenience anyone.

Sooo...

One night, we showed up at 1045pm or so when we thought the restaurant was closing at 1am. We ordered food, had a great time, and saw lots of customers there the entire time. We did all the usual checks.. there are people eating... there are people moving around... this place is totally active. We are surrounded by people so we kept ordering more drinks, food, and all the things we would normally do.

Around 1am, I went to the restroom and realized that the restaurant closed that night at 11pm.

We were ordering food, drinking, and having a great time all night.. while the restaurant was closed. All the "customers" we were surrounded by were the staff in plain clothes making sure we thought the restaurant was still open. They knew what dishes we would order... so those ingredients weren't put away.. drinks were easy.. but...

Imagine standing up to take a piss and seeing random empty plates at random tables surrounded by all the dishwashers, chefs, hosts, waitresses, cleaning crew, managers...

... and realizing that every person you ever dealt with there staying around HOURS after they were supposed to leave going way way WAY out of whatever to make you feel good. You can throw piles of money around and feel good about yourself. Or you can actually experience what it feels like to get props for... I dunno.. [not being a jackass? treating people well? showing some respect? being human?]

To this day, that was the most awesome thing I have seen.

Process Started

This is gonna be fun.

On one hand, everyone I've ever known is either rich and isolated on a virtual island and afraid of interacting with the people who aren't... or doing just fine while hating the people who are rich and isolated on a virtual island because morals were involved... or broke.

The dot com boom was really cool. I'm driving home one day and I get a phone call from a friend of mine. He is out with a vendor at Sundance in Palo Alto. He really wants me to join him because when a vendor takes you out, it gives you an opportunity to be an asshole. I needed to prove a point. I am going to show up, order a salad, and pay for myself. Me showing up and having someone someone pay for me for no reason whatsoever would be totally inappropriate.

I showed up, ordered a salad and sipped on the glass of wine I was offered. With tax/tip, etc, a 20 dollar bill would have covered the side salad I ordered. When the bill came, I realized that the glass of wine in front of me cost more than rent in most places. I chugged what was left and let the sales guy pay the check.

The dot com boom was really cool. But unlike everyone else, I can still go to bed at night :)

Let me start the process.

I want to start this out with lyrics from Dirt Nasty.. it would be convenient to paste them. But as I opened up another window and quick search, I was really really pissed off.

(I will provide 3 URLS.. because I want theme music.. suck a dick)
Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfNluQ888g4
Lyrics link: http://www.6lyrics.com/music/dirt_nasty/lyrics/19802.aspx
Official web site: http://www.dirtnastymusic.com/

1) I want to tell you all that I walked in.. straight from Oakland.. while holding my genitals. At the same time, I want you to be aware that they are large, sacred, in demand, i am tripping over them, etc.. so a reference to the US OPEN trophy would be appropriate.

2) An initial impression has been made. It is time to up the hyphy.

3) You don't know me (hence the initial impression).. so in the song I would say "Dirt Nasty".. but here I would say something like "Fuck You".

Anyhow, I'm a bit frustrated because I couldn't cut/paste lyrics to one of my favorite songs into this window because someone wrote them down wrong. But I guess that gives me an opportunity to introduce myself in my own magical way.

And for the record, my penis, ego, and self esteem is in check. Yours isn't.