Chicken is delicious

I'm still trying to find my voice. Because I'm pretty sure I need one since my awesomeness might be in question...

a) I have tattoos. That means I am pretty cool. Some of my tattoos have meaning and stuff.. (bonus!).. some of them kinda suck (uhmm..).. but.. at the end of the day, I am cool. While is it punk rock to NOT have ink.. I have some. ME == COOL.

San Francisco is REALLY REALLY progressive and stuff so I want to make sure that I am cool at all times.. and I would really love to be in the loop. I actually walked down the street the other day and took a shit in front of a store.. to make sure that no one would stop me. Thank fucking [insert something] that I had the right to do that.

b) One of the shoe shine guys walked down the street at Hana Zen/First Crush next to the Powell BART station.. and did the usual lines.. So as an aggressive jackass, I would have loved to scream at him for no other reason than me being drunk but.. He told me that "shoeshine joe" was in Pleasanton (suburbs) and that Earl (from Red's Corner) is still in Palo Alto. We shook hands, talked... and...

...

I like to walk down the street in San Francisco and do cool shit. And there is a hell of a lot of cool shit to do. I know that I can walk into ANY bar in .. ok.. uhm.. ANY bar... any bar loo... I can walk into a gay bear bar in SF and have a leather-clad 50 year old guy in (redundant) leather think of me as the chicken nugget to his "TYRONE MEETS CHICKEN NUGGET)" fantasy...

But that is what is really cool about living in San Francisco.

I wear my finest Dickies shirts (one of the brown ones not only has 2 cigarette burns but a small yellow paint stain that looks like mustard!) when I do what I do. I am pretty sure in someone's world that is hip but in my world that is lazy.

The cool thing is.. when I show up at HEART on 24th/Valencia... we can all walk in and share wine and fine at community tables. The food there is made to be shared... like cheese and meat plates... the wine is cheap.. but it is awesome. You've got a great space where people sit around and are REQUIRED to get along because...

It is fun to terrorize the 50+ year old guy (who is pretty cool) who is sitting with his wife/partner/whatever.. who is also in that person's target age range.. (and now both people are pretty cool).. and telling them both that.. we are now sitting next to a 50+ year old guy... his date... a bunch of drunk people between 20-40 years old.. an eccentric jackass with a pickle tattooed on his arm.. and WE ALL FUCKING GET ALONG...

.. and when I come home at night after a long day and someone is parked 3 feet into my driveway, I will, with a big smile on my face, make sure that car is towed away and (30 minutes after the call), laugh as random college students wonder where their car went.

Chicken is delicious.

I am awesome.

RIP

Rest in fucking peace.

I will say what I say because I want to say it.

Poland, where I was born, where my parents were born, where all I learned came from, deserves ALL my respect and love right now.

Jeszcze Polska nie zginęła,
Kiedy my żyjemy.
Co nam obca przemoc wzięła,
Szablą odbierzemy.

Marsz, marsz, Dąbrowski,

Z ziemi włoskiej do Polski.

Za twoim przewodem

Złączym się z narodem.

Przejdziem Wisłę, przejdziem Wartę,
Będziem Polakami.
Dał nam przykład Bonaparte,
Jak zwyciężać mamy.

Marsz, marsz...

Jak Czarniecki do Poznania
Po szwedzkim zaborze,
Dla ojczyzny ratowania
Wrócim się przez morze.

Marsz, marsz...

Już tam ojciec do swej Basi
Mówi zapłakany
Słuchaj jeno, pono nasi
Biją w tarabany.

Marsz, marsz...

The best things in life taste like my balls

I love the Mission in SF.

I live there, I play there, I do most of what I do.. while living where I live. The Internet gives me a voice. But I should probably clarify a few things.... maybe as a video game or something... at least let me try.. to define how the real world works..

My character is.. "AWESOMEMAN"...

If my character CHOOSES to completely FAIL in all of life, San Francisco will let me keep on failing for all eternity.
If my character moves an arm... FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL
If my character ...

San Francisco is a social experiment. Anything I do will result in FAIL on all levels.

In a "perfect" world, when I tell the frustrated small business owner to deal with smashed in windows.. a Taco Bell pops up.
If we join forces against stepping in dog shit.. we end up with laws that don't less us walk our dogs.

I walk around San Francisco.. frustrated as hell.. but I know damn well that there will probably be some law passed that requires me to pave my sidewalk with gold... but I know / x / y / z ...

I CHOOSE to live in this failed experiment.. and everyone around me does as well ...

We could all move away.. we could all get frustrated...

But if it frustrates us that much, we could become terrorists and destroy so much more.

Funnel frustration into making things better. If you don't like public policy, at least bitch about it. If you don't like how you are represented, do something about it.

How to call someone an idiot

[ Let's see how we can layer 3 things at once! ]

It is pretty cool seeing people attack Obama. He'll be able to accomplish more now that the new president smell is wearing off. He could have sat around for his first 4 years saying "Yep.. black is the new PRESIDENT bitches!" but since he's not a piece of shit, he thought it would be kinda cool to make our elected officials think :)

.. Well I'm Eazy-E, I got bitches galore. You may have a lot of bitches but I got much more. Wit my super duper group coming out to shoot. Eazy-E, muthafukas cold knocking the boots.

.... There are many ways to call someone an idiot. You could be nice about it and ASK someone if they are an idiot "i.e. most people think a snakebite is the same as a black velvet. haha..".

I actually wanted Obama voted into office so that he could sit around while things got better (which I thought they eventually would) and after a couple years see all our problems fixed while we just happened to be in office.

.. 'Cause I'm a hip-hop thugster, I used to be a mugster. If you heard Compton, you think I own a drugstore. Getting stupid because I know how and if a sucker talks shit, I give him a (POW).

.... A problem needs to be solved. 2 people are involved. If either of the 2 people quickly solve the problem, there are no issues.. if someone solves it and HOPES/thinks/ASSUMES that the other one is also gonna solve it...

.. 8 ball sipping, the bitches are flipping, slow down, I hit a dipping, continue my tripping, hitting my switches, collect from my bitches, the money that I make so I can add to my riches.

Ok so the world is destroyed and we're all burning in some virtual hell. Everyone sits around wanted to hate each other but they can't afford it. The KKK can't afford robes to properly walk around and hate properly... Religious groups can't afford to send missionaries everywhere to make sure we all know that all dem gays cause global warming.. which also doesn't exist..

.... "I am disappointed in your inability to quickly resolve this issue" is kind of like a WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, right? I miss the passion that used to exist. I miss the days when you could tell someone they need to work WAY harder than they are right now could be conveyed by picking them up, smashing them repeatedly against a wall, and throwing the contents of a garbage can on top their limp bodies.

.. Fill my stash box and start rubbing my gat. Feeling good as hell because my pockets are fat. A hardcore villian cold roaming the streets. And wit a homie like Dre just supplying the beats.

I think it would have been cool as hell if all the world's problems were fixed quickly while Obama happened to be in office. That way as the the Ku Klux Klan was picking up their robes from the dry cleaner, we could all have a moment of clarity and all realize that it was all fixed while the president was black. Kind of ironic... and in my perfect world, all the STUPID was removed from the world because everything was fixed and...

.... So David Bowie was born 2010 years ago today. Regardless of your sexual orientation, Bowie transcends all. If you have a throbbing purple header warrior, make sure that when you are in bed tonight, you think about invading his gaping love canal with your manhood.

.. Because I'm a gansta having fun. Never leave the pad without packing a gun. Hitting hard as fuck, I make you ask what was it. Boy you should have known by now, Eazy duz it.

Everyone is a fucking idiot. Politically, Obama is doing everything wrong.. because instead of sitting around doing nothing, he is actually trying to do something to fix what is wrong. Because he's trying to change things, he might actually NOT get re-elected. Just for that, you gotta respect someone who tries to lead this countries of fucktards.

AND...

If you eat shit out of my ass 5 hours after I drink milk and eat honey, what does it taste like?

Finding new things that suck

In some ways, we live in a world where race, gender, and all those things don't really matter.

I'm sitting at the Delirium in San Francisco's Mission district today. The game is on. I ate a hot dogs. Hot dogs are delicious. If you don't don't think so, you are kinda like that guy who ends up bringing assault rifles into work and snapping (after you eat a jar of sweet pickle relish) and killing everyone. I'll save that for another time.

I order a Snakebite.

A snakebite is a combination of lager and cider. The bartender tells me how everyone seems to be ordering them lately. I tell him that it must be because they are refreshing and it is warm outside... he then tells me that some people correct him and say that a snakebite consists of Guinness and cider (which is actually called a Black Velvet).. I smile, give him a tip, and ultimately order more snakebites as I watch basketball on the tube.

I actually WANTED a Guinness and cider (black velvet).. but am not about to say anything because, as usual, my inner child disagreed with me and thought that Stella mixed with cider was better. It was.

Anyhow...

I like layered beer combinations.. Black & Tan. Black and Tan is a drink made from a blend of pale ale and a dark beer such as a stout or porter. Sometimes a pale lager is used instead of ale; this is usually called a half and half. When I order a Black & Tan or a Half & Half at a bar... I drink whatever is given to me. The last thing I want to do is get into a fight about whether Bass, Harp or something else will coexist with the Guinness that is poured on top of my beer combination.

So while Guinness is usually the "Black" part of any fun beer combination.. the other part is always fun to play with.

Guinness + Blue Moon is often called an Eclipse or a Black & Blue.
Guinness + Stella is supposed to be called something but I just call it a compromise when Bass or Harp doesn't exist. Order a Black & WhateverTanYouHave and you'll get your point across.
Guinness + "Whatever wheat beer you have" probably doesn't have a name but is my usual at most of the bars I go to. You can order it as a Black & Hef and the bartender will understand.

Guinness + Hoegaarden is a great combination.

I walked into a new bar in Oakland next to Flora (which is a great place to eat) with some friends. I ordered a combination of Guinness + Hoegaarden. Wait a second.. Black and Hoegaarden.. Black and Hoe... *OH SNAP*.. BLACK HO. HOLY SHIT. I not only asked for a prostitute (HO)... but I specifically asked for a BLACK prostitute... AND AT THE SAME TIME.. I AM IN OAKLAND!! Anyhow, I was told that the beer combination I asked for is actually called a Dirty Ho..

So here's why I think we are at least making SOME progress as far as race, gender, equality, etc.. I told the Dirty Ho/Black Ho story in public without having to replace the word black with African American for fear of offending the 2 black guys sitting next to me.

... Afterwards, I'm taking the Mission bus to downtown. 2 people in wheelchairs are yelling at each other to make room, random skate punks hop in the back without paying fare, a marker is being passed back and forth so that graffiti can be updated. As the kids in the back of the bus are screaming the N word at each other and pissing everyone off, the 40+ year old black man sitting in front of me is really upset. Everyone is upset as the kids tag the bus and start destroying public property. The bus ride is slow, annoying, and offensive.

... but even though he was as pissed off as he was, he made us all smile and laugh when he said that he was just as much of an asshole when he was a kid as the idiots in the back.

So we all bonded. Black, White, Yellow, Green, Male, Female, blah blah blah...

We are better off today because the moron/waste of sperm/dipshit next to you isn't a BLACK idiot.. a WHITE idiot.. a YELLOW idiot.. he's just a fucking idiot.

You can all suck my dick.

Progress.

So I'm walking in San Francisco...

I eventually end up at Harvey's.. in the Castro.. because I'm all progressive as shit and wanna do that cuz I'm cool and shit.

So there are a bunch of fucktards sitting in front of the place and "protesting" about the whole sit/stand whatever sidewalk rule. Everyone can protest and question authority however they want to. But.. they are standing against some new law that tells people that they can't stand/sit/etc on the sidewalks....

Fuck all.

Lawyers magically rule the world.

The way I see it...

If you sit in front of my house and make me happy.. cool.
If you sit in front of my house and make me unhappy.. not cooll.... and I really can't do anything about it...

If there is a new stupid law...

If you sit in front of my house and make me happy.. cool.
If you sit in front of my house and make me unhappy.. not cooll.... and maybe you'll stop being a fucktard just because you can... and even though I really can't do anything about it, one of these days, I'll have some lawyer me up when I saw "I accidentally pissed on some idiot who decided to shit on himself while passed out in front of my house after breaking his base pipe".

I am pretty sure I can take a shit in the middle of traffic and someone will jump in line screaming "THAT MORON HAS A RIGHT TO DO THAT..."... do you really want to live in that world? Do you want to continue living like that?

Yeah... you do...

Because the next time you are high on crack and trip on a paper bag 3 blocks away.. you will find some way to sue some random entity. And some lawyer will take your case.. and my taxes will go up...

And at the end of the day.. UC Berkeley decides to put out an ad in the magazine they shit to EVERYONE they know...

.. telling the world that they their "ENDOWMENT SEATING PROGRAM" GAURANTEES your seat location 2011 and beyond. Some things are weird or even wierd.. but if you want to be a world class university, you should stop smoking stupidity and learn how to spell.

[Kudos to everyone who finds the typos that UC Berkeley decided to publish]
[SuckADicks to everyone who finds and corrects me on any typos in my post]
[If you fail on both of those... you should probably try again drunk.. or

NEXT RANDOM?!

Wow.

Could this be the next random post I make?

After 12 years of not talking to someone, do you really consider them a friend?

Do you really want THEM to consider YOU a friend?

When we are young, lots of people make us who we are. I still talk to some people I knew when I was a kid.. but at the end of the day, I really only give a shit about a few people I knew when I was 14 years old.

I've known a friend of mine since I was 14 years old.. when he stopped talking to me, I actually gave a shit because I cared. His opinion of me mattered. Looking at the world now, let's think about something...

How can we sum this up quickly?

When it is ok to actually ignore someone you either had sex with or were good friends with.. in public.. with the realization that your lives do not intersect and the catching up required to be friends again really isn't worth it.

Suck a dick. Fuck off. Lick my gigantic balls.